SOMETIMES

I`m an angel, I`m a devil
I am sometimes in between
I`m as bad as it can get and good as it can be
Sometimes I`m a million colors
Sometimes I`m black and white
I am all extremes
Try to figure me out you never can
There`s so many things I am
Sometimes I`m miserable sometimes I`m pitiful
But that`s so typical of all the things I am
I am someone filled with self belief
And haunted by self doubt
I got all the answers
I got nothing figured outI like to be by myself
I hate to be alone
I`m up and I am down
But that`s the part of the thrill
Part of the plan
Part of all of the things
I'm a million contradictions
Sometimes I make no sense
Somtimes I`m perfect
Sometimes I`m a mess
Sometimes I`m not sure who I am

How Cruel Life Can Be??

"Dani..esk nk ikut aku x"-spidEY @ 12.10a.m 21stApr
"Hmm..aku segan la"- Dani replied

Then..conversation began between me n SpidEY in YM..i think..he never persuade me but i am maself..was very eager to go there..like there was something calling n waiting for me..sumthing that i didnt know wat but the truth was..i knew im gonna enjoy maself wif those kiddos..i like kids!! Later then i went through the schedule n made up my mind..took my laundry basket (cuci baju dlu la)..n keep thinking..should i or shouldnt i?..moreless at 1a.m..i told SpidEY..'wat if i say yes?'..i packed up my stuff then got on bed by 2a.m n woke up at 4.30a.m m d 'journey' started..(haha..sejak bila aku pandai join bidang terjun camni..well..aper salahnye kan?

Arrived at Chenderong Balai (1st time being there) wif SpidEY n AbgFariz..searching out for d school n finally...we were there..it's still early but almost all d students had arrived..as me n SpidEY had an urgent 'nature-call'..we asked 1 gal-stu..'tandas kat mane?'..politely she answered..'pegi straight,belok kiri..kat blkg sane..ikut je ada dia tulis toilet'. So touched..she was so polite..

I looked around d school..so small..they only get a few classrooms but the compound was so clean..so nice..i wonder how they behave..?

As d programme began..it was so easy to get into all those kiddos..they were so nice..polite..innocent n perhaps u can never believe...this so-called SEKOLAH KURANG MURID..they had well-disciplined student although those kiddos can be called; KAMPUNG boy/girl..d well mannered they had shown that their heart never being stained..they have pure heart..

They managed to follow all d programme within time n impressively..they r actually smart enuff as all the IQ test being answered correctly by almost all of them though some Facis n other grown up cant really answered them...they r not that darn stupid..for me..all kids r smart...we cant juz judging them from educational level or background..there muz b sumthing..sumthing that overshadow their talent..sumthing that make them juz failed to exhibit their sparks.. wat to blame? who's d one should carry d responsibility? y cant they succeed? i cried my tears when finally i found standard 5 stu who cant read n write as well as others... wat's d problem dear? u'v been schooling for 5 yrs but still u cant read n write? wat d hell ur teachers been doing all this while? for me..being to school means u can post out a person who can read,write n count well thogh not very excell. Then..still...who's to blame? Y life is so cruel? Who had failed rite now...the pendidik or the student himself? we better ask ourself..

Comparing them with same ages student i had once handling them in this kinda motivation programme...they look smart...they look 'DOWNTOWN'..but sadly..they have very bad manner..they know how to overrule things..they know how to yell back at u...n they start to act like grown ups..for me..their heart can never b so pure compared to those KAMPUNG kids.. though their educational background excellent enuff...but they had bad attitude..

WONDERING still..Y those KAMPUNG kids cant excell (most of them) n Y those DOWNTOWN kids can succeed well..mayb becoz..'xde org amik kisah pon..aku berjaya ke x..kalo gagal pon..leh jadi petani cam ayah..boleh toreh getah cam mak. Pegi sekolah sbb nk jpa kawan2..sbb mak suruh pegi sekolah..blk sekolah main...'-KAMPUNG boy. 'pegi school..ptg ada kelas fardhu ain..mlm ada tuition..bulan dpn xm kne score straight A's..kalo x papa xnk bwk pegi Hong Kong..lgpon Fara ank Uncle Hakim selalu dpt straight A's..nnt mama marah..kne grounded'-DOWNTOWN boy. Am i rite frenss?? WE have to CHANGE their MINDSET!!!!

BTW..this post actually i want to thank enuff to SpidEY for dragging me in my cup-of-tea xtvt n congrats to Abg Fariz n Sherry for organizing this such damn good volunteering programme. N for new friends i met there; Faza,Amir,Bob,Juleo,Farah,Rini n AbgKamarul..u guys r really great!!